Once we made the decision to become mothers, whether planned or not, we boarded the child-bearing boat and ‘need’ was born. The pathway to becoming who a child calls ‘Mom‘ may be conventional or not, biology, adoption, or desire from afar, but the road is similar for all of us, isn’t it?
Some of us begin by sharing our vessel. “Need” is above what is obvious as the life within us requires our heartbeat, our breath, our discipline and the onset of a love that will transcend any previous notion of whatever definition we may have given it before.
One fine day of celebration… our baby is born. Healthy or perhaps short of, but whatever the case, the ‘need‘ remains great. Life depending decisions begin to be made in a hurry having no prior on-the-job training. The infant needs us so profoundly that we cannot separate from our creation, not even for a long minute.
Once they begin to travel; be it crawl, walk or climb, we lose our first of many prominent ‘needs‘. Effectively they will be graduating to their first level of independence as they have learned the tools for transport. Be careful what you wish for fellow warriors…
As toddlers, we are still immensely needed for nurture, at-home education, nutrition, well-being and exposure. Essentially we continue to make nearly every decision for them; where they will go, who they will see, when they will sleep, or should sleep.
For many of us moms, a full school day will begin the ultimate dreaded separation. Another faithful person will make the day’s decisions for our children. Their ‘need’ for us, as we prefer to be ‘needed’, will have significantly diminished.
In high school or college, they will ‘need’ our guidance, support and cold hard cash but many of us, myself included, will swiftly lose the ability to help with homework as math may be a distant memory. At the end of those days, although shorter than in previous years, we will most likely be praying to be “needed” on the following day.
They may choose a partner with which to “co-need“. They have moved out and live alone. Will they ever “need” us again? Well………………. If before this journey we found ourselves growing tired of our own mothers asking us for grandchildren, we finally get it don’t we? Their day has come. We will reach out for their empty hands, and tired hearts and without saying it aloud, they’ll know. “Mom, I ‘need‘ you.”
To our beautiful babies, resilient kids, headstrong adolescents and capable adults, we will love you forever but if you could please, ‘need‘ us once more.